Friday, December 2, 2011

VICE: Ron Paul—Reactionary Racist Leprechaun

This week, the good people at Vice.com asked me to write about Ron Paul, because we both thought Newt was just too tiresome, and, "Please, God [we're] sick of Herman Cain. No more Herman Cain."

A lot of this Paul information isn't new. That's because Ron doesn't change. Time lumbers on, indifferently, into a bigger future, and he remains, hiding behind his 18th century battlements, picking lice off himself, rubbing coins fervidly and wearing a special kind of hat that says, "You can't force me to be a bowman if we fight France."

Unfortunately, Paul fans don't change much either. They see "no more War on Drugs" and "let's stop fighting in the Middle East," and everything else about the man goes unresearched or becomes a kind of meaningless hum. Which is why every now and again, you need to slap them. Hopefully this helps. Click the smilin' Ron Paul below to be taken to Vice:


By the way, the nice fella in the picture with him is Don Black, founder of Stormfront.org, America's #1 white supremacist site, which endorsed Ron Paul in 2008. (Even now you can find great information about him there, like, "All Republican candidates are Jew tools except for Ron Paul," which, perversely, is a fair reading of the GOP establishment's Israel policy.) The Paul campaign spent weeks pretending the endorsement and Stormfront's donation weren't an issue. That might have had something to do with not wanting to alienate supporters, like campaign coordinators who are Klansmen and neo-Nazis, or campaign volunteers like neo-Nazi Holocaust Museum shooter James van Brunn.

9 comments:

  1. Jesus Christ, the comments section. It's a race to see who can play the "Race Card" Card first (everyone loses).

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  2. Even knowing who the guy in the middle is, I've still always thought grim-faced harry dresden jr. on the right was the best part of that picture.

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  3. There's yet another goddamn Ron Paul thread in D&D on SA and somebody's linked to your latest piece in it.

    http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3451862&pagenumber=9#post398213072

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  4. Yeah, I saw that. Heresiarch is a smart dude. I'm kind to keep out of there, though. It's probably bad for me.

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  5. I think Paul support has two components:

    1. All the other Presidential candidates have equally reprehensible positions on equally important issues. Obama has taken the position that he can send his flying death robots to murder literally anybody based on nothing but his own say-so, like some sort of especially articulate Ming the Merciless, and the other Republican candidates are mostly mad that he doesn't have the robots torture people, too.

    This is not a small thing.

    2. Camp Value: What I mean is, if it's '97 and you pay ten bucks to see Batman and Robin in the theater, it's a fucking terrible movie, but if you see it on USA flipping channels some night, it's a camp classic.

    That's because you no longer have to worry that all superhero movies will be this shitty or think about how you could've spent your money and Saturday doing something that was actually entertaining.

    The same sort of thing is true of Paul: He will never get his hands on our country's nuclear launch codes. Sharia law will rule this country before crazy Paulian Libertarianism does, so his horrible ideas aren't seen as dangerous, but more like "so bad they're good" quirks.

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  6. Ahahaha, that should be "I'm kind of going to keep out of there." I should probably watch the screen and not a movie while typing.

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  7. The perfect example of people ignoring Ron Paul crazy because of one of his rational thoughts was in the CNN foreign policy debate. Everyone on twitter gave accolades to Paul about his promise to end the War on Drugs. Completely ignoring EXACTLY right before that he suggested California and Texas end public education so Mexican would have less reason to cross the border illegally.

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  8. You should write about Huntsman :)

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  9. I wonder how long this is gonna last. Stormfront.org has a pretty good pagerank in google.

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Et tu, Mr. Destructo? is a politics, sports and media blog whose purpose is to tell jokes or be really right about things. All of us have real jobs and don't need the hassle that telling jokes here might occasion, which is why some contributors find it more tasteful to pretend to be dead mass murderers.