Tuesday, December 20, 2011

VICE: Nobody Likes You, Jon Huntsman

Beaten down by years of feckless centrist candidates with no interest in the working class, Democratic voters turn to increasingly bizarre outlets for signs of rescue. Seemingly since 2000, they've annually flirted with some new Republican hopeful — a mythic, "Reasonable One" — whose bipartisan appeal will somehow unite the country and deliver... the same sort of feckless centrist anti-working-class policies they despise from their own candidates. Maybe it's the bad-boy stigma of it all. "Sure, he's going to fuck me, but he's so cool. He won't even pretend like he was that interested in it afterward!"

Jon Hunstman stands ahead of the other candidates as this election's Reasonable One, and somehow makes the exercise in anticipating disappointment even dumber than normal. After all, there is no Reasonable One in the modern Republican Party: an ideologically intolerant and rabid base ensures the instant punishment of the weak, the compromisers, the humanely tolerant. Worse, even if Huntsman — the aw shucks, regular guy, son-of-a-billionaire — were to govern exactly as he likes and not while fearing the teaparty lash, he's still not "The Reasonable One."

Lastly, he doesn't even have the decency to be ruggedly indifferent and overpowering. When America goes to bed with and gets used by the wrong guy, we want someone to make us feel like it was our fault afterward. Huntsman is the sort of person who'd apologize so much about having an early meeting that we'd all just beg him to leave.

Click Jon's pic below to be taken to the Vice article...

...and see for yourself what all this has to do with two porn stars and Newt Gingrich.


  1. Who cares if this guy is semi-substance and no style? Is style all that matters when voting? That doesn't seem like that strong of an argument why this guy sucks. I guess that's why we got that FIB in office right now because he was the stylish choice.

    Not like I'm trying to defend this guy, but I've never seen you say who a good candidate would be. It just seems you always offer criticisms and never any solutions. I know you can do that all you want, but it just makes you seem like all those dumb-ass talking heads on Fox News and MSNBC.

    It really doesn't matter who anyone votes for because either way our planet is doomed.

    If I choose to throw my vote away next year, I will write in Kodos for my vote. That way I can say, "Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos" when everyone starts bitching that the FIB is still president.

  2. I forgot... He totally looks like that douche hat Colin Cowherd in that picture.


Et tu, Mr. Destructo? is a politics, sports and media blog whose purpose is to tell jokes or be really right about things. All of us have real jobs and don't need the hassle that telling jokes here might occasion, which is why some contributors find it more tasteful to pretend to be dead mass murderers.