Monday, August 17, 2009

Twitter: Failed NES Games

Even if you're an Iranian agitating for democracy, Twitter is still almost functionally useless. Your appeals to decency and to an international standard of human rights will be drowned out by so much indulgence and self-absorption that anyone's reaching you and achieving understanding will be something like a minor miracle. There's a reason why Conan O'brien's Twitter Tracker is a recurring smorgasbord of banality, and it ain't because the Tonight Show staff has to work hard to find it.

Twitter's best use, at this point, is as an instant joke-aggregator. A user hits on an idea; others pile on. As soon as the concept has legs, people attach a hashtag to it (the # mark, which automatically files the text following it into a thread on that topic: i.e., someone who writes about universal health care can add "#UHC," and their tweet joins a thread about universal healthcare that anyone can click on), and off it goes. While some people use hashtags for serious purposes, they're desperately misunderstanding what makes Twitter fun at all. Not random strangers getting together to solve anything — after all, who can solve or even explain shit in 140 characters? — but rather random strangers coming together to bust on anything.

The inevitable list format works well for outrage, but it works even better for gags. An good example is "Failed NES Games." A Twitter user I don't really know named Mister Rabbit threw out one joke the other day about games that would have tanked if they were released for the Nintendo Entertainment System, and dozens of people ran with it. The results were predictable at times and very funny at others. Most people riffed off the names of old NES games they could remember, and others just made up absurd games that bore no resemblance to anything entertaining at all. The point, though, illustrated in just hours and with little effort, is that Twitter is a joy when funny and a boundless waste when even remotely serious.

And, since Twitter is ultimately ephemeral — not only because of the format but also because the site itself starts scrubbing tweets made under various hashtags — here's the best of the #FailedNESGames gags, with far too many of my own thrown in because I have no shame or perspective. All links go to the original posters' Twitter accounts, both for credit and so you can start following them, because they're awesome:

Rad Racist #failedNESgames

4 days ago from Tweetie


Hemorrhoid Prime #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TweetDeck


Mega Mandingo #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TweetDeck


Cuck Hunt #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TweetDeck


Mike Tyson's Rape Out #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TweetDeck


Excitekike! #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TweetDeck


Super Gambino Family #failedNESgames

4 days ago from web


Shinobituary #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TweetDeck


Golgo 1-12 #failedNESgames

4 days ago from web


The Legend of Zelda Fitzgerald #failedNESgames

4 days ago from web


Maniac Manson #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TweetDeck


Kid Icarus: The Fall #failedNESgames

4 days ago from web


Labes of Steel #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TweetDeck


Tecmo Super Bowel #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TweetDeck


A Boy And His Tumour #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TwitterFon


Castlevanus #failedNESgames

4 days ago from web


Super Barrio Brothers #failedNESgames

4 days ago from web


The Assventures Of Bayou Billy #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TwitterFon


Sky SharkHitler #failedNESgames #SharkHitler

4 days ago from web


Skate or Die Properly #failedNESgames

4 days ago from web


OK Cupid #failedNESgames

4 days ago from web


Hogan's Back Alley #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TwitterFon


UTI Baseball #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TweetDeck


Magic Johnson's Fast Outbreak Of AIDS Across Sub-Saharan Africa #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TwitterFon


Bi-Gar #failedNESgames

4 days ago from Tweetie


Battlechodes #failedNESgames

4 days ago from web


Guntlet #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TweetDeck


Ninja Garden #failedNESgames

4 days ago from Tweetie


Jessica Marple Madness #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TweetDeck


Credit-Default Swapper! #failedNESgames

4 days ago from web


Centipedo #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TweetDeck


Race Wars #failedNESgames

4 days ago from web


#failedNESgames Double Drag-Queens

4 days ago from Tweetvisor


Clamato! #failedNESgames

4 days ago from web


Super Chess Leopard #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TweetDeck


Dr Dracula: Eazy E Edition #failedNESgames

4 days ago from web


Romance Of The Three Yearolds #failednesgames

4 days ago from TwitterFon


Alan Greenspan's Raise That Rate! #failedNESgames

4 days ago from web


Prince of Serbia #failedNESgames

4 days ago from Tweetie


Bible Bobble #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TweetDeck


Jane Austen's Uterine Breakout #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TweetDeck


Fisting a Peter North Star #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TweetDeck


Ninja Hospice #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TweetDeck


Noam Chomsky Ate My Neighbors #failedNESgames

4 days ago from Tweetie


Dan Marino's Muff Dive 2010 #failedNESgames

4 days ago from web


Jacques Derrida's Plateutal Adventure #failedNESgames

4 days ago from TweetDeck


Pay-Per-Boy #failedNESgames

4 days ago from web


Top Gunt #failedNESgames

4 days ago from web


Burgin Time #failedNESgames

4 days ago from web


Pie Hunter #failedNESgames

4 days ago from web


2 comments:

  1. Might I suggest making the links open in a new tab/window? It's easy to get distracted on Twitter and forget the original article.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'd love to, but the headache with fucking Blogger is that, to get all the font size changes and the hyperlinks to each tweet in there, you basically have to collect all the tweets in a WP document, then copy and paste them into the new blog field while it's in "compose" mode. Switching over to the HTML mode for the copy-paste means none of the styles or the links will appear, and switching over after the paste makes the code go wonky and air the text out like it's triple-spaced. I don't know why it does this, but posting Twitter updates on Blogger is an enormous pain in the ass. Even if I pasted everything in compose mode, switched over to HTML and find/replaced the link formatting to make it pop open in a new window, I'd create about three new problems per tweet while solving one.

    Basically, what I'm saying is it'll save you and me the most time if you just hold down COMMAND or CTRL (depending on Mac or PC) while clicking each link, and that way they'll all open in new tabs.

    ReplyDelete

Et tu, Mr. Destructo? is a politics, sports and media blog whose purpose is to tell jokes or be really right about things. All of us have real jobs and don't need the hassle that telling jokes here might occasion, which is why some contributors find it more tasteful to pretend to be dead mass murderers.