Friday, September 26, 2008

Items #3 and #4 from the Cognitive Dissonance File

Again, while there isn't a single objective reason to vote for John McCain, it's nice to see that he's doing his damnedest to help undecided voters come to the same conclusions the rest of us reached long ago. The latest gaffe involves his attempting to weasel out of debating Barack Obama tonight.

It's easy to see why he'd want to do it. One, he's going to get his ass handed to him. Two, even if he weren't going to get his ass handed to him already, thanks to the current banking crisis he's going to get some sort of auxiliary ass removed from him and then handed to him by a second ass-handing helper for a kind of Twin Bestowing of His Ass. Even a relatively shy and polite man like Jimmy Carter probably couldn't leave a debate like this without destroying McCain for fostering and encouraging an environment of recklessness by deregulating the banking industry and, for oversight, doing the equivalent of asking the kids who eat paste to watch over the class while you go to the principal's office.

But what's hysterical about his attempting to weasel out of the debate is not that he's done it before — which he has — but that he tried to cut and run from it. Iraq, sure: can't leave. Would be irresponsible. The U.S. has made a pledge. Doesn't matter if it was made because the American public was fed a list of distorted intelligence and deliberately engineered lies. A promise is a promise. But that debate thing?—the one all the candidates agree to and that I, in fact, agreed to? I... er, uh... I got a thing, right?

Country First!

Good to see that the McCain campaign's plan for solving the current economic crisis was asking The Invisible Hand to correct the same markets it had destabilized and relying on the wisdom of rational economic actors on Wall Street and in lending. That's right: more corporate tax cuts and even less regulation would bring us the solutions we so desperately need. There really is no finer logical conclusion than attempting to cure the disease by readministering its causes.
Hi, I'm Dr. John McCain, what seems to be the problem?

I see. So, um, you say you're killing yourself by drinking a 12 pack of beer each night?

I recommend you switch to a bottle of whiskey.

Here is my bill. It is 3 trillion dollars.