Thursday, July 29, 2010

This Is the Shittiest Video You'll See Today

I loathe just linking videos and telling you, "Hey, you, go look at that." It's cheap. It's not really incisive or fun. It tells you to take your interest in whatever I had to offer and switch it to something else immediately. Because the something else is better. This is not. This is what happens when the Internet gets hold of something beyond its ken. This is some stupid, stupid shit.


I love the internet. I love the new things it brings, and I try to roll with the stupid shit that it brings. You could only make this video if you have zero idea what its music is about. You have to be about 15 and terminally retarded and think that PICTURES = STORY. You have to think this is a narrative about some innocuous nothing, divorced from text and its historicity. This infantilizes good rock and roll, and this infantilizes history. If you watch this video and accept its narrative, you are already far behind the human race. This is what makes the internet suck.

14 comments:

  1. I think "Thanks! -Congo" is probably the most succinct summary of the stupid here. It amazes.

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  2. I don't get what the song is about. Was there actually a Norwegian radical who went to fight in Africa that the song is about?

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  3. I don't know who this Roland guy is but I'm just gonna assume he's an asshole.

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  4. Matthew:

    The song is a general criticism of violence as a tool of political change. Roland represents that, in that he cannot be killed and is only capable of firing his thompson. That's why there are references at the end to Palestine, Lebanon, and Ireland (PLO, Hezbollah, and IRA respectively) and how Patty Hearst "bought it" in her brainwashing by the SLA. The 'helping out' of the Congolese is especially ironic, as the Bantu peoples are the majority of the black Congolese.

    Our beloved Mr. Destructo is particularly upset for two reasons. First because mercenaries very much like Roland attempted to overthrow him in 1967, and the video seems to unironically idolize the character. Mobutu is also angry at the song itself, as someone who routinely engaged in political violence.

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  5. I'm upset because the song owns, and you're the only person who got it.

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  6. This video rules dummy

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  7. Leave my homey Mobute alone dammit! It's not like he ever hurt anyone who didn't really deserve it.

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  8. Mobutu, 95% of everything is shit, including the internet. Nothing new here. Just a larger pile of shit. The good news in this is that you now have access to a larger pile of the better stuff. But all you ever get is 5%.

    Deal with it.

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  9. Mr. Destructo, if that is your real name, I don't understand your objections all. The song talks about things, and when it talks about some particular thing, that thing appears in the video. For example, when Warren Zevon sings, "From there [Mombasa] to Johannesburg," a map appears with a dotted line going from Mombasa to Johannesburg. Get it? From there to Johannesburg. It's perfectly logical and straightforward.

    Maybe you have some high-falutin' objection about "connotation" and "implication" and "cultural context" and "reading between the lines," but you know, some of us didn't go to élite Ivy League schools.

    Wikipedia backs me up on this. See? They don't have any of your post-modern lit-crit nonsense, either. Just a nice, straightforward account of what the song is really about. (Also if you check the article history, you see the Wiki folks have been really good about removing that sort of foolish speculation.) Why can't you be a reliable source like Wikipedia, Mr. Destructo?

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  10. Suck on this, haters: I just spent the last 6 hours laughing my ass off to a thread called SHOAH ME YOUR MSPAINTS (56K NO!). So maybe I totally understand the internet after all.

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  11. What if the video creator got it and made the video like this to rile you up? If that's the case, you're pretty much owned.

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  12. This sort of reminds me of Anthony Hodgson's short film Hillary. In that Hillary is the opposite of this. Theoretically, Hillary's available at his website, but I can't get it to work, so here's the youtube.

    I'm starting to get tired of internet people always saying that 95% of everything is crap, because so what?

    It's a saying that sort of joins up with "there are no new ideas" and "opinions are like assholes" and "arguing on the internet is like winning the Special Olympics" as pseudo-profound ways of telling people to shut up and stop saying things about things.

    "Shut up, you bore me" is a perfectly valid opinion to have, but it's not a sophisticated insight into human nature.

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  13. I hate to seem to disagree with so august a statesman as yourself, Mr. President, but surely you must realize that the only purpose of the video part of a lot of YouTube music videos is to qualify for publication on YouTube, as YouTube doesn't host bare mp3s. One popular "video" format is a still photo of the label on a 45. And here, for example, is another "video," the visual part consisting of a still photograph of an album cover and nothing else, of Don Covay performing "Overtime Man":

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMB30Z48hEE&a=GxdCwVVULXdqxKGWkECY52D8Rz5lalcH

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  14. Christopher:

    The 95% thing may have migrated into cliche territory, but that doesn't negate its truth.

    How much of any medium is good? Appeals to you? I'm guessing since you appear to have a function neuron or two, that's it's a pretty small proportion.

    You can go off and tilt at windows and bemoan reality as much as you want, but that doesn't change a goddamned thing, and ultimately, your complaint is pointless and vapid. It is what it is.

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Et tu, Mr. Destructo? is a politics, sports and media blog whose purpose is to tell jokes or be really right about things. All of us have real jobs and don't need the hassle that telling jokes here might occasion, which is why some contributors find it more tasteful to pretend to be dead mass murderers.