Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Search String of the Day for 12/3/08

Some poor, engorged, aching soul went looking for
and was unfortunately directed to my carping about the slow degradation in quality suffered by Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. I can't tell you what a thrill it is to tap into this reader market. This is almost as exciting as when I got the pageload on November 27 for someone searching for, "law and order mariska forced oral sex" and the November 13 search for "unwilling throat pounding videos" that amazingly directed someone to my review of Requiem for a Dream.

I don't really understand what's happening here. I mean, I get it that Mariska Hargitay is an attractive woman. I can get having sexual fantasies about her. What I don't get is wanting to skip her entirely and get right to her character having sex and, worst of all, her character getting raped.

If you want to think of ol' Mariska nude and in your bed, great. If you want to get off thinking about someone who is not even you, someone who is a fictional character, having brutally dehumanizing non-consensual sex with her — well, yer fucked, pal.

Even if we can somehow look past the fact that you're being turned on by rape, I've gotta ask, how sad is it that you're not even the protagonist in your own fantasy? It's like having some elaborate high school dreamscape where you're on the football team, and you're going to the prom with a cute girl — only it turns out that your brain makes you a third-down nickelback, and your date is your cousin.

I guess the other thing that gets to me is that it's not even that difficult to find pictures of her naked, since she posed nude in some sort of health magazine. Jesus Christ, JUST USE GOOGLE AND YOUR BRAIN. What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you coming to a blog with a two latin words and the name "MR. DESTRUCTO" in it for pornography? Especially when it probably wouldn't take you more than 30-45 seconds to find some Photoshop job of Mariska Hargitay having sex with a horse?

You know what? Fuck it. Fine. I'll help you out. Here [obviously not safe for work]:

Also, for no reason whatsoever, this post gets the Shia Labeouf tag.