Sunday, November 9, 2008

The Rats Are Clambering Onto the Only Remaining Ship

Remember the odious proto-McCarthy Michelle Bachmann? In case you only recognize names and not faces, she's the pink-clad skullhead below right. If you recognize both names and faces, you probably can read that the author of the book she's holding is Mark Steyn.

I don't have time to get into the type of person he is, but suffice to say that he refers to muslims as "sheep-shaggers," believes their goal is to overrun Europe and create "Eurabia" via forced conversion and murder, spent a couple years insisting "bin Laden" was dead to do his level best for the right-wing propaganda imaginarium, and advocated Western Europe taking the Serbian solution to an increasing muslim population, saying, "If you can’t outbreed the enemy, cull ’em."

I point this out, because this is the sort of racist, delusional, genocidal shit Michelle Bachmann reads. All of which makes this exchange she had on an October 17 appearance on Hardball that much more predictable:
CHRIS MATTHEWS: So this is a character issue. You believe that Barack Obama may — you're suspicious because of this relationship — may have anti-American views. Otherwise, it's probably irrelevant to this discussion.
REP. MICHELE BACHMANN, R-MINN.: Absolutely. I absolutely...
MATTHEWS: Do you believe that... Barack Obama may have anti-American views?
BACHMANN: Absolutely. I'm very concerned that he may have anti- American views. That's what the American people are concerned about. That's why they want to know what his answers are. That's why Joe the plumber has figured so highly in had the last few days...
MATTHEWS: OK. I just want to get off this...
BACHMANN: What I would say is that the news media should do a penetrating expose and take a look. I wish they would. I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the people in Congress and find out, are they pro-America or anti-America? I think people would love to see an expose like that.
At least she had the decency to call on the press and not, say, a House Un-American Activities Committee to handle the hateful and baseless witch hunt.

Now of course, just weeks later, Michelle finds herself swimming desperately for the boat she tried to drill holes in and swam away from, presuming it had sunk. Instead, it rose higher in the water, chugging away. Instead, she's awakened in an America with a significant liberal mandate, representing a district in a state that just went for Obama. Now, of course, he couldn't possibly be a secret Ay-rab or friends with terrorists or an un-American.

Now, she says she's “extremely grateful that we have an African-American who has won this year.” Bachmann called Obama’s victory, “A tremendous signal we sent.”

But don't worry. Michelle will be back. She didn't go temporarily insane in October; she just went temporarily sane for the last few days. If her history is anything to go by — and the anti-American comments were merely a capstone to years of nuttiness for her district — she'll get right back on that horse backward and whip it frenziedly until it runs into one of the 10,000 lakes. After all, Michelle isn't just nuts about America. She's nuts about her own family.

Take a look at this Christmas form letter from 2003 (click to enlarge), which I have translated into English:

"Though our precious Lucas hates entitlement programs — *wink* — with the burning intensity of a thousand Reagans, he's sure in favor of one: HIM! Ladies, look to him to bring home a thick wallet whose firmness he can barely work into his pants and an even firmer attitude that says, 'I'm the decider.' Multiculturalists need not apply, because the only culture is, Is Lucas happy? I hope you have hips wider than my daughter's, because Lucas hopes to have a son to pass on the family name and to look at you with withering contempt for being weak and stupid at Promise Keepers meetings. Expect an early divorce, no later than your son's 13th birthday, when you catch Lucas engaged in humiliation rimming with a poor black prostitute willing to go deep into his heartland with a rolled-up psalter."

"Just as we are all vessels for Christ, Elisa will make a wonderful vessel for your seed, as she has no characteristics I've bothered to notice that would interfere with her growing inside and outside of her a child just like you!"

"You might question why I'd liken Caroline to one of the doomed wives of an inveterate womanizer, but it would take a man with a harder heart than King Henry's not to notice her tiny cherry-bud nipples, pert ass and the louche and insouciant pout of her lower lip that seems to say these lips hang so slightly apart because they're waiting for something. While you're at it, don't forget those 14" hips: a perfect handhold if you two are determined to 'see God together' with her doing a splayed V-wing thing with her legs while you hold her up horizontal to the floor in a 737 takeoff position. God loves families."

"Since conceiving, carrying and birthing this child while solely in a mental fugue about why birth control is impermissible, I've devoted no further brainpower to her than a delicious desire for vengeance on her by consigning her to a life of menial servitude. Even Jesus washed his followers' feet. Sophia, you will wash mine."

Remember, Michelle Bachmann isn't just a viciously loathsome sower of enmity and discord and avid reader of anti-historical racist shitbags, she's also completely fucking crazy about two things:
1. Pimping out her family for wholesome fucking and obedience; and,
2. AmeriJesus.
All things are possible through Christ — even winning Match Game!

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Et tu, Mr. Destructo? is a politics, sports and media blog whose purpose is to tell jokes or be really right about things. All of us have real jobs and don't need the hassle that telling jokes here might occasion, which is why some contributors find it more tasteful to pretend to be dead mass murderers.