Tuesday, October 14, 2008

'Fringe' Still Sucks

I turned over to Fringe because the Sox/Rays game was almost unbearably one-sided, and I caught this exchange:
(Joshua 'I Was on Dawson's Creek' Jackson walks with his father and Anna 'ACTING? FEELINGS? WHAT ARE THESE HYOO-MAN WORDS YOU USE?' Torv toward a crime scene where an elevator drove through the ground.)
Joshua Jackson Starring as Johnny Exposition: [Expository stuff about elevators you can glean from watching the show's teaser.]
Elevator Tech Guy: You know your elevators.
Joshua Jackson Starring as Johnny Exposition: (indicating self) MIT Dropout.
Cool, writers. Thanks. Imagine just how bewildering and un-fun this show would be if we didn't know what school Johnny Exposition dropped out of. We might have to guess that he's just some randomly smart dude or that he learned smart things from his super-smart father, bringing us up to a speed identical to the one you brought us up to, only without the CLUMSY, OBVIOUS EXPOSITORY DIALOGUE.

Also, thanks a bunch for making your clumsy, obnoxious expository dialogue make sense. Hell, I was all ready to put oven mitts on my hands and smash my head repeatedly with my balled fists in rage and confusion, wondering how Johnny Exposition could POSSIBLY know about elevators, but when you pulled out that MIT explanation?—holy shit! That's genius. Everyone in America knows MIT students take "Elevators" freshmen year.

Senior year in high school I was actually planning to go to MIT, until I got my scores on "Dumbwaiter" and found out I totally choked on it. It's cool, though, I was hungover as hell because I got soooo fucked up the night before, and if I could have taken it again sober and rested, I totally woulda kicked the shit out of it, but, see, the thing was: college application deadlines were coming up, and since I couldn't take "Dumbwaiter" again and get the scores back in time to make the deadline, I decided to just go to liberal arts school because I knew I could clep out of freshmen "Primary Colors" and "Light?—Or Dark? 101" because I aced the shit out of my Rorschach.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah, Fringe still sucks.