I meant to put up a link to it last week and then kept forgetting, but I contributed a gag to this piece on SomethingAwful.com. Anyone who's spent any amount of time reading Gawker Media probably recognizes the format, and frequent readers of Gizmodo or Kotaku are probably groaning in recognition. It's one of those things that probably works better the more steeped you are in tech news.
I was chatting with the piece's author, Zack Parsons, about an unrelated article, and after he groused about how the idea he was working on was taking more time than desirable, I wound up pitching some silly shit at him. He was nice enough to throw some credit my way and pointing back to this site. Of course, I'm very appreciative and thankful for the credit, but that sort of thing isn't funny, so let's pretend that I'm deeply embittered that he didn't run with two other ideas I had, exactly as I wrote them:
• A new cell-phone that takes exquisite photos of other cell phones and flawlessly renders the shortcomings of other devices, instantly documenting the owner's superior discernment. Also, the typepad interface autocorrects any words that might be interpreted as similar to the brand names of other cell phones by replacing them with alphabetically proximate profanities or slurs.
• Apple proudly presents iTrailer. For those owners who haven't got the time to explore the dynamic capabilities of the iPad, a $49.95 one-time fee allows a Mac Genius to comb through your iPhotos, iMovies and iTunes to generate a 5-minute iMovie film similar to the iPad commercial, showcasing how you would use your iPad, if you could learn to operate it. It's like your own Mac commercial, only it advertises you. The iPad is your on-the-go tool for demonstrating your business and multimedia capability. The iTrailer can be rendered in Quicktime Fullscreen or three other pixel dimensions but cannot be shown in AVI or WMV. That doesn't matter with Apple's vertical integration, however, which moves MP4 quality from your iPad to your iPhone and iPod, all synchronous with your MacBook, which, in a pinch or a meeting, can also show the trailer of you using your iPad.
Anyway, yeah, yeah, something about my gratitude and what a generous guy, blah, blah. More SomethingAwful business coming Thursday.