Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Search Strings of the Day for 10/21/09

As I've said in the past, I could pretty much post one of these per week, but they'd get boring pretty quickly. People on the internet like sex; some of them are willing to do costume design and rehearsal for it, and this leads to strange enthusiasms aided by Google. Of course, I would in no way attempt to capitalize on this by giving all posted graphics ridiculously long filenames choked with double-entendre search terms. Oh, no. Never that.

Still, at least for me it's rare to get a concentrated burst of weird search terms, let alone wind up as the #1 hit for a Google search of "man got fucked to death by horse." For a reason I can't even begin to fathom, such a search takes you to a collection of messed-up parody videos of gaming fatass Gabe Newell.

On the "extremely explicable" front, it's nice to see that it took only a day to be the sixth result for "joe buck sucks alcs" and third for "horrible fox sports broadcast of the alcs," not to mention a shitload of searches for "cement mixers," all of which send people to this ALCS broadcast quasi-live-blog. It also took only a single day for that article to get a search for "Crayola Rapecat."

I'd also like to thank Major League Baseball announcers' inability to think about the words they use for sending God knows how many people here looking for "balls being fisted." Although that seems to be sending people to the site in general, rather than the relevant article.

On an equally disturbing note, I'm fascinated by what the interior world must be like for this particular Israeli citizen searching for "dictators momy porno," "dictators granny porno" and "dictators granny sex porno." I mean, the first question probably everyone has to ask is, "What dictator?" You almost want to say it's Hitler, don't you? And why "mommy"? Or "grandma"? Is it he just using convenient-search-term shorthand for old ladies? Or does this guy get off on someone who is obviously somebody's mom or grandmother being fucked? I love asking these questions. Thanks, internet! Also, the article he kept getting sent to was about CNN International's porn/snuff commercials in Japan.

Finally, on the same unfathomable level as "man got fucked to death by horse" is the fact that I'm apparently the second hit for "asians doing inadvisable things with their vaginas." Naturally, such a search takes you to a piece on Alex Rodriguez. Actually, now that I think about it, that makes a kind of cosmic sense. Way to go, A-Rod.