Answer the Petition, Ms. O'Donnell!

I have taken the liberty of writing a petition for concerned American voters, regarding Republican Christine O'Donnell and her candidacy for senator from the great state of Delaware. If you have been following this site, you likely remember our earlier misgivings, and these misgivings have only intensified as we've encountered more details about her personal history.

Please take a look at an excerpt from the petition and consider signing it:

Recent evidence proves that the alleged Christian candidate, Ms. O'Donnell, "dabbled in" witchcraft. Like all witches, she sought to cover up these acts and, when found out, dismissed them as harmless. We demand that O'Donnell endure Trial by Drowning to establish where her loyalties truly lie. With Jesus Christ, liberty and the United States? Or with paganism, income redistribution and tyranny?

If Ms. O'Donnell is sincere in her faith, she can have nothing to hide. She must meet this challenge. If her fidelity is proved, we will enthusiastically and unreservedly vote for her. If not, we will abstain this election season.

Because this is the internet, I'm sure some smart-alecks will make the tired observation that it's possible to determine whether someone is a witch by testing her weight against that of a duck. However, as I'm sure those people would recall if they stopped to think about the trial to which they refer, that system generates false positives irreconcilable with a commitment to honest inquiry.

Thank you.


(Extra thanks to my buddy Robert, who originally suggested this dynamic and vital vetting process for our nation's leaders.)