Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Answer the Petition, Ms. O'Donnell!

I have taken the liberty of writing a petition for concerned American voters, regarding Republican Christine O'Donnell and her candidacy for senator from the great state of Delaware. If you have been following this site, you likely remember our earlier misgivings, and these misgivings have only intensified as we've encountered more details about her personal history.

Please take a look at an excerpt from the petition and consider signing it:
Recent evidence proves that the alleged Christian candidate, Ms. O'Donnell, "dabbled in" witchcraft. Like all witches, she sought to cover up these acts and, when found out, dismissed them as harmless. We demand that O'Donnell endure Trial by Drowning to establish where her loyalties truly lie. With Jesus Christ, liberty and the United States? Or with paganism, income redistribution and tyranny?

If Ms. O'Donnell is sincere in her faith, she can have nothing to hide. She must meet this challenge. If her fidelity is proved, we will enthusiastically and unreservedly vote for her. If not, we will abstain this election season.
Because this is the internet, I'm sure some smart-alecks will make the tired observation that it's possible to determine whether someone is a witch by testing her weight against that of a duck. However, as I'm sure those people would recall if they stopped to think about the trial to which they refer, that system generates false positives irreconcilable with a commitment to honest inquiry.

Thank you.


(Extra thanks to my buddy Robert, who originally suggested this dynamic and vital vetting process for our nation's leaders.)

9 comments:

  1. Since I am not a resident of Delaware, I feel somewhat conflicted in signing this petition, but I do support it's premise of using medieval approaches to solving problems relating to those who hold fast to medieval belief systems.

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  2. Build a bridge out of her! A bridge to nowhere. RIP Ted Stevens, stuck in a tube to heaven.

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  3. I am not a resident but I think that what you're saying is absolutely ridiculous. She was young when she dabbled in witchcraft and Pagans are not bad people at all. It's IGNORANT people like you that twist it around to make it seem that way. Like any young person, they experiment in different things and it is harmless. I have friends who are Pagan and still believe in Jesus Christ. They're all about mother nature and the things they do are not to harm anyone at all. They're peace loving down to earth people. I am Jewish so I guess that makes me a bad person too because I don't believe in what you do right? And in case you don't know how to read, the people who were killed during the Salem witch trials were INNOCENT. Ignorance is what's hurting this country. The trial you want to do is also cruel and unusual punishment. It's 2010 and we don't do that and this is America, where everyone has freedom of religious beliefs. Who are you to say what's okay to believe in? To each their own. Maybe you should learn tolerance and acceptance. Look up Paganism on the internet and you will see it's not what you're led to believe as an ignorant and intolerant person. In this country if you don't follow the flock of sheep you're looked upon as evil and a freak. Sad.

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  4. Anybody claiming to be a real witch is a liar. No body ever in history who has claimed to be a witch, warlock, majician, whatever has ever really been one. I called myself Wiccan for over twenty years before reality hit me. and it hit me hard. I realized,"Hey! None of these folks actually have their act together. They are all on welfare or anti-depressants. Or they are just all a bunch of burned out old hippies who smoke pot and call it a sacred experience." I say burn her.

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  5. Jen, as you can tell from reading this blog, this place is for True Christian Warriors. This petition is obviously not a joke making fun of a politician pretending to have a sinful past as a mythic being. Magic is real, just as evolution and climate change are false. Please report to the Inquisition at once.

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  6. So, would you say that this is enough non-football content? Are you at last satisfied, Hysteria-Woman?

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  7. Jeez, sorry about that. When I said thank you for not writing about football again I meant it. You're under no obligation to entertain me, but it's nice when you do.

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  8. Mr. President, did you see Fred Clark's explanation of what the "Witchcraft" comments were really about? It's highly recommended, a the-scales-dropped-from-my-eyes kind of a thing. They weren't some kind of personal idiosyncrasy at all, but a very particular verbal tic coming out of an insular, hardline evangelical background.

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  9. I am not even an American, but may I still sign the petition? After all I am German, thus coming from a country which had already experimented in giving absolute power to people with believesystems similar to those of Ms O'Donnel. A bit of Trial by Drowning in time would have prevented quite a number of unpleasant occurences for the rest of Europe.

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Et tu, Mr. Destructo? is a politics, sports and media blog whose purpose is to tell jokes or be really right about things. All of us have real jobs and don't need the hassle that telling jokes here might occasion, which is why some contributors find it more tasteful to pretend to be dead mass murderers.