Friday, September 3, 2010

SomethingAwful: The Emmys Are for Idiots, Part I

Unless you're the low man on the totem pole at William Morris or Creative Artists Agency and hoping a darkhorse-candidate client is about to walk away with the gold, you probably have no business caring at all about the Emmys. (Well, maybe you design atrocious-looking dresses.) They're historically hidebound, arbitrary and mostly gutless. So, if you're a sophisticated person with intelligence and taste, you've probably been having pointless, impassioned and highly detailed internet arguments about them for the last week anyway.

The Emmys are for idiots, and because I love television and so easily get sucked into arbitrary and pointless evaluative contests, they're just the thing for me. Click below, on the last remaining BORT license plate in stock, to find out why the history of the Emmys has me thinking about torture, Night Court, edelweiss and a centuries-old pandemic of Helen Hunt. Then check back next week for Part II, in which I explain why the 2010 awards were just as bad as every other year.

Continued in Part II.


  1. I wonder if you'll like Mad Men's win. I think it's the best show on television currently, better than Breaking Bad and honestly better than the first three seasons of The Sopranos. Well, maybe they're even.

  2. I just looked up the winners of this year's primetime Emmys out of curiosity from reading your SA article above. Something about the Emmys bothers me now: "Outstanding Reality Show Host" gets an award? And then of the nominees: I get why Heidi Klum hosts Project Runway: She's a model and an insanely attractive one at that, so it makes sense that she has a say in a show dedicated to finding the next big fashion designer. I get why Ryan Seacrest hosts American Idol: He's a DJ and he hosts E! News, so it makes sense that he's hosting a show dedicated to finding the next big pop star. What I know about Tom Bergeron is that he hosted Hollywood Squares and America's Funniest Home Videos after I stopped being entertained by either show, so why am I supposed I care about his contributions to Dancing With the Stars? Are the Emmys less about achievement and more like the high school yearbook where everyone gets an award, whether Joe Footballneck is voted "Most Athletic," and Stevie Nerdlinger is "Class Bookworm," and so on. Maybe it's always been like this and I never noticed?

    I am currently working my weekly shift at a central New Jersey AM radio station. About an hour ago, I ran two pretaped infomercials and in 30 minutes I will be producing the only live talk show we're going to run all day. I feel like I should apply for membership in the National Association of Broadcasters on the off-chance I might one day win an award for "Outstanding Button Presser at an AM Radio Station."


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