Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Fucked-Up Video Wednesday: Do You Know What I'm Saiyan?

We last met Alex Jones in what is easily the best YoutubeDoubler ever, doing what it is he does best, going completely nuts. Jones literally believes that European monarchs are going to help take over the earth with robot people, that 9/11 was an inside job, and the Jews he works for were in on it, and that the Hitler-run wing of the Obama administration is using states' Child Protective Services departments to kidnap and indoctrinate the few free-thinking lads and lasses who haven't already been rounded up in FEMA camps with their gun-owner parents or been tracked down by GPS-bearing members of the census bureau.

Apart from his being fucking crazy, the best thing about Alex Jones is that he sometimes gets so overwhelmed by his own bullshit that he has no choice but to scream. Sometimes, as in the case of that doubler, he gets louder and faster and winds up raving about how his bosses are a bunch of "psychotic killers." But sometimes the wheels just come off entirely. His own devotions to irreconcilable madnesses tongue-tie him, and he can't do anything but primally wail. It'd be the funniest and most captivating program on the radio if you could forget the fact that he's an inspiration to the heavily armed and itchy of finger.

Now, I don't know anything about Dragon Ball Z. Really. I'm neither ashamed nor proud of that; it just happens to be true. However, I do get this joke, and I know that this is funny:

Speaking of not knowing anything about things, I don't know anything about Lady Gaga. (Or I didn't until a few minutes ago.) In fact, the video below is the most Lady Gaga I've ever heard. I'm not wearing that fact for pop-culture credibility either; there's nothing upsetting about her, for me, and if there is for you, I wonder why that is. Reading over her Wikipedia entry, she seems like a mostly inoffensive person who creates decent pop music.

Granted, she tends to treat gay people like human beings worthy of respect and civil rights. I can understand why many people in America would hate her for that: they're stunted, horrible proto-humans with less empathy toward people than six-year-old boys tend to have toward winged bugs. But other than that, what is there? She looks totally ridiculous, but I don't think I can credibly carp on that after listening to Jethro Tull for years. Hell, I like two Elton John songs, and he once played a concert like this. It just doesn't seem like Lady Gaga should be that big of a deal to anybody.

Except vampires:

I don't think this is a joke. I clicked through Nosferatu's Youtube library, but none of his other videos would load. The dancing and decor suggest sincerity. The dancing is bad, but he seems to be trying: intentionally shitty dancing is much funnier, and you don't see as much earnestness in the hips. Also, the upside down flag-in-distress, The Crow, Chriss Angel's Mindfreak... sure they all seem too funny and too perfect to not be a joke. But even if you thought of all those gags, would you be willing to spend money on them? I don't think so.

Bravo, li'l vampire. Bravo.

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Et tu, Mr. Destructo? is a politics, sports and media blog whose purpose is to tell jokes or be really right about things. All of us have real jobs and don't need the hassle that telling jokes here might occasion, which is why some contributors find it more tasteful to pretend to be dead mass murderers.