Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Persistent Vegetative State—THE GAME!

Today marks the fourth anniversary of the failure of conservative supporters of the Iraq war (over 100,000 dead so far) and the death penalty to reaffirm their commitment to the culture of life by keeping a machine-assisted brainstem alive. I'm speaking, of course, about high-life hottie Terri Schiavo, who Bill "tears can give you AIDS" Frist brilliantly pointed out displayed evidence of consciousness by responding to light less than a legless, narcotized cat vainly chasing the dot from a laser-pointer by lolling its head at it.

It's entirely possible that the republicans' cynical and tactless overreach in the Schiavo case helped turn the political tide against them. Although the previous four years demonstrated a laughably hypocritical management of Americans' private lives at the hands of the "Party of Smaller Government," actually derailing the process of conducting national business to interfere with the right for a single person to die effectively repudiated much of their own party's rhetoric. To anyone who's watched loved ones suffer in the last days, weeks, months or years of their lives — i.e. virtually everyone in America — the national exploitation of one person for ephemeral political capital was probably nothing short of disgusting. That act alone likely catalyzed the process of questioning attitudes on euthanasia, the "culture of life" and perhaps even political affiliation for many.

But we're not here today to talk about that. We're here today to talk about a fucking kickass Metal Gear-esque game based on Terri Shiavo's attempt to escape the clutches of murderous health care representatives, activist judges and drug-fueled liberal prostitutes who fire preemies out of their uteruses with enough rapidity, regularity and force that it's like someone's firing fetuses out of a gatling gun and into a wall four inches away. 


Get ready for the ultimate experience in political gameplay:


(You may have to wait a bit for the game to load.)

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Et tu, Mr. Destructo? is a politics, sports and media blog whose purpose is to tell jokes or be really right about things. All of us have real jobs and don't need the hassle that telling jokes here might occasion, which is why some contributors find it more tasteful to pretend to be dead mass murderers.