Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Inside the Candidate's Studio: An Exit Interview with Mitt Romney

In 1960, Richard Nixon famously endured a TV debate, despite being ill, pale and underweight. He sweated through rub-on makeup designed to hide his stubble, and he looked like Death come to sell the same. By 1969, Roger Ailes (who would later found Fox News) had managed Nixon the candidate through a series of fake town halls, and Joe McGinniss had written The Selling of the President. Success, and the Nixon era began. Today, that era reached its zenith.

Mr. Destructo gratefully presents the exit interview with Massachusetts Governor Willard Mitt Romney. Since our conversation with the former candidate ranged over many topics and many hours, we have distilled his responses in the style of the questionnaire made famous by Bernard Pivot on Inside the Actors Studio.

1. What is your favorite word?
Oh, gosh, I've always fashioned myself a bit of a logophile, so this is kind of an operose question, if you don't mind my saying. Don't hold me down and cut my hair! When you're in business, you learn a lot of words—and words are useful, they're just great. In business, you can use words to create jobs, you can use words to open new plants and businesses, small businesses, here in America. We're—we're a nation of great people who use words. For the past four years, we've only had so many words we could, and that's great, that's great, that America can continue to use language to express ideas, and I'm just humbled by words. And that's what I love so much about this country. I want it to have more words in the future. But, if I had to choose a word—Mitt. Mitt is me, but a mitt also catches the ball. I'm on the ball for America, and I just think its a shame Barack Obama isn't but also thinks that we should be promoting soccer at the expense of the ball—of sport—even though soccer, they call it football in Muslim countries, is the most popular of sport.