The only thing you can say about him that even makes a pass at indicating his competency is that he is very rich. Then again, he made his money through fraud. As such, there is no substantive difference between having Rick Scott or a Hialeah check kiter as the governor, except the number of zeroes before the decimal point.
Until yesterday, about the only thing no one had seriously suggested about Scott was the notion that he might just be fucking crazy. Days before, Scott went on record opposing a centralized database for prescription narcotics, something Florida lawmakers and law enforcement both supported to eliminate the state's number of "pill mills":
Thirty-eight states use databases to keep track of oxycodone and other painkillers that are now the most widely abused (and lethal) drugs in the country.That breakdown comes from Carl Hiaasen, a columnist and former investigative journalist for the Miami Herald, Pulitzer Prize winner and author of a dozen bestselling comic civic- and environmental-crime stories best classified as "Florida novels." Hiaasen goes on to note Scott's comments about his opposition:
Florida is the largest state without such a database, and the undisputed epicenter of the sleazy illegal pill trade.
In the first six months of 2010, doctors in Florida prescribed nine times more oxycodone than was sold in the entire United States during that same period. Pain mills here have prospered wildly and proliferated — in Broward County alone there are 130.
"I don't support the database. I believe it's an invasion of privacy."It's a good column and worth the read. As Hiaasen observes, by Scott's criteria, we might as well do away with the DMV, since it's hardly the police's business whether a car belongs to any particular person, since those people don't deserve to have their names on some ominous centralized list somewhere. But this isn't so much about Scott as it is about Hiaasen.
His statement raises numerous questions, none of them comforting.
Has Florida finally elected a certifiable whack job as governor?
Consider the following Carl Hiaasen trivia bits:
• He worked as a PR flack for Disneyworld.Now, despite living through or creating all of this in his head — despite these books of fiction and anthologies of genuine Florida weirdness and plunder — Carl Hiaasen is still willing to speculate that the current Governor of Florida is fucking insane. In any other state of the union, it would be hyperbole, but people who have lived here long enough can hear the faint undertones of fearful sincerity, underneath the strong and persistent note of despair.
• He covered Miami gang warfare at a time when: cars raced down Biscayne Blvd. at 60 mph, drivers emptying Tec-9s into other vehicles; daily violence surpassed even Miami Vice's, despite the show's threadbare tether to reality; German tourists were practically hunted for sport; and the long-term parking lot at Miami International Airport was treated like a graveyard filled with rent-a-car coffins.
• In one of his novels, locals turn to domestic terrorism and hunt tourists and developers, feed them to alligators and stuff their carcasses in suitcases, all to frighten away tourists and new subdivisions.
• The novel Skin Tight features a villain named Chemo, who has his hand bitten off and replaces it with a portable weed whacker.
• Another novel features a giant backne-covered mutant named Pedro Luz who walks around with an IV drip of anabolic steroids and occasionally pulls the line out of his arm to drink from it.
• A US Congressman provides the antagonist for another book, during which he, at one point, wears nothing but cowboy boots filled with vaseline.
• He wrote a story in which a man whose crooked curbside building inspections — leading to hundreds of millions of dollars of destruction and several deaths during Hurricane Andrew — meet karmic retribution when the inspector is eaten by a lion. The story also includes a man named Snapper who suffers a Habsburgian jaw deformity and can't properly close his mouth.
• Another book features fake stigmatics, people who worship a Christ-shaped ochre stain on the roadway and two white supremacists who believe that handicapped parking signs are the roadmap for how the UN will take control of the United States.
• Other books include: a man convinced he needs ground rhino horn to fuck prostitutes; a man who severs the head of a dog that bites his forearm, then leaves the head and jaws clamped to the arm, eventually taking so many painkillers that he begins talking to it; and a woman who is obviously meant to be Courtney Love.
• His main recurring character is a hermit with perfect teeth who adopted the name Skink, lives in the Everglades, often sports a gleaming red glass eye, wears checkered NASCAR flags like kilts, doffs shower caps and bright orange rain slickers, kidnaps people to teach them lessons and lives on roadkill. He is a former Florida Governor.