Monday, December 27, 2010

A Season for Remembering Those Who Returned from the Dead

Note: we, the good people of Et tu, Mr. Destructo?, like to broaden our coverage of the national discourse by occasionally turning to voices and viewpoints not represented by our regular contributors. To discuss recent cinema, we turn to's most prolific user-reviewer, Sound.Wav. He last joined us to explicate the numerous crimes committed against childhood and the fanbase by the producers of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. He divides his time between his two jobs as a tech writer and as a moderator at the website Television Without Pity.

So Help Me, God, If 'The Walking Dead' Gets Snubbed by the Emmys...

I have a very concrete idea of what I shall do. I shall renounce television. My glove cast off, left behind. A narrow and dark hallway, my single missive on the dusty ground—its thumb and four white silk fingers bent underneath it, the middle finger extended, pointing at those who are in error. J'accuse!

If this show isn't recognized as easily the greatest show on television, I suppose I'll have no choice but to turn my back on perfidious television as a genre and find succor in rededicating myself to my fully explicated list of the 100 greatest rock bassists, my online campaign to have the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences recognize Michael Biehn with a lifetime achievement award, and joining fellow fans in calling for drummer Mike Portnoy to be forced to re-join Dream Theater.

Of course, it won't all be hard labor. Naturally, I will also comfort myself in zombie fandom's hour of maximum need by:
Watching Dawn of the Dead, 28 Days Later, 28 Weeks Later, The Crazies, Shaun of the Dead, Fido, Zombieland, Resident Evil, Resident Evil: Extinction, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Resident Evil: Degeneration, Land of the Dead, Survival of the Dead, or Dead Snow.
Reading World War Z, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, The Zombie Survival Guide, The Rising, City of the Dead, Death Hulk, Dead in the West, Plague of the Dead, The Dead, Still Dead, Reign of the Dead, The Book of More Flesh, Risen, Cold Storage, Wet Work, or The Walking.
Playing Dead Nation, Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare, Rock of the Dead, Zombie Panic in Wonderland, Alive 4-Ever, Burn, Zombie Burn!, Call of Duty: World at War: Zombies, Fort Zombie, Plants vs. Zombies, Shellshock 2: Blood Trails, Undead Knights, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombie Driver, The Zombie Island of Dr. Ned, Zombie Tycoon, Zombie Wranglers, Dead Space, Left 4 Dead, Corpse Craft, The Last Guy, Dead Head Fred, Touch the Dead, Dead Rising, Killing Floor, Cold Fear, Infected, Land of the Dead: Road to Fiddler's Green, Land of the Dead, Postal 2: Apocalypse Weekend, Urban Dead, Survival Crisis Z, Siren, or Hunter: The Reckoning.
This show must be recognized by the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences. I mean to say, how could you not stop and recognize everything the show brought to the table? The acting, the writing (they fired all their writers: that's how good the source material is; it writes itself), the pacing, the bold takes on classic material, the ensemble feel and, my God, the message?

I have not stopped talking about this show online. My three favorite threads about it have blown up. I mean, there is so much depth here, so many layers—like, "How are they going to get away from the zombies?" and, "What caused the zombies?" and, "Is there a cure for the zombies?" and, "Who do you think deserves to get eaten by the zombies?"—that you literally can't stop thinking about it. Unless you're an Emmy voter.

After all, they did the exact same thing to the only show to bring both 24 and Shawshank to the small screen—a little self-contained masterpiece called Prison Break. I'm not optimistic.


  1. How many fucking times has Tony Shaloub won an Emmy for Monk? Awards suck. They never get the right one.

  2. He got nominated something like 8 times and won 3 times I think.

    The last one was for the episode, Mr. Monk Goes to Get His Fucking Shinebox, where I kicked the shit out of him and left him lying in the gutter and said, "YOU AIN'T GOTTA BE AFRAID OF GARBAGE ANYMORE, MOTHERFUCKER, BECAUSE NOW YOU'RE GARBAGE."

  3. you forgot call of duty black ops: zombie mode you noob

  4. No I didn't. You just haven't unlocked it yet because you're not a good enough poster on this site.

  5. You guys couldn't be more wrong. Zombie fans don't want to have sex with the zombies the way that pervert vampire fans do with the vampires. If you think that way all it means is that you're the gayest gaywads who ever gayed.

    Zombie fans merely want to shoot the fuckers in the head because we're either crazy or want to clean up the world of non/sub-humans. Either way it can only mean one thing, and that in each zombie fan there's probably a member of Hamas trying to break free. Think about it, rump wranglers.

  6. I'm trying to think, what would actually be the best show of the year. Usually I would say Mad Men but the soap-opera facet of that show really shined through this season and it lost some of its gravity. Eastbound and Down had more affecting moments. I didn't watch Rubicon, I've heard some good things. A character on that show had a Triforce from Zelda tattooed on her wrist, and I don't know what to think of that. This has become a long comment. What else... I didn't watch Dexter either. I doubt it was very good. The Walking Dead will probably win. Frank Darabont's name is the perfect middlebrow draw for Emmy voters.

  7. I never understand when people characterize something like Mad Men as a "soap opera." As near as I can figure, all that means in this usage is "heavy on relationships, light on drug dealers murdering one another," and while I have nothing against the latter per se, I fail to see why so many people seem to see it as automatic grounds for condemnation. Actually soap operas are known for their glacial pace and for featuring FAR more in the way of convoluted, credibility-straining relationships than you'll ever see on something like Mad Men.

  8. I don't mind the soapy nature of Mad Men, because it's bolstered usually by profound ideas and writing. Listen to the way people speak in season one, and then listen to the way they speak in season four. Much less mysterious, much less interesting, much less evocative. Where there used to be two or three ideas behind every sentence in the show, there is now only one.

  9. Regarding 'pervert vampire fans.' I do know a few zombie fans who have a sexual attraction for the undead. And youtube comments for Resident Evil videos do confirm the widespread existence of this fetish.

  10. @Faster,
    Thanks for the Mad Men defense. I think I woulda probably put up that defense as well, so I'm happy to be spared the effort.

    The best show of the year is Community.

    No contest.


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