Monday, August 30, 2010

White America's Inconvenience Tantrum, Part V: We Start the Pogrom at Ground Zero

Previous Posts: Part IVPart IIIParts I & II

At some point, it's acceptable to give up and shriek, "What the fuck is going on?"

The Daily Show has spent the last few weeks brutally lampooning conservative critics of the Park51 Community Center (the so-called Ground Zero Mosque) simply by playing clips of themselves juxtaposed against earlier clips of themselves. For example: showing conservatives condemning Park51 organizer Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf as a dangerous radical, then noting that he was twice tapped by George W. Bush as a global ambassador for moderate, interfaith-tolerant and pro-American Islam.

In other cases, the show has taken conservative critics seriously by using their own guilt-by-association tactics and examining how those loose standards prove that the same critics are as threatening to national security as any radical imam. In one hilarious instance, Jon Stewart and writers noted that FOX News, whose personalities are obsessed with finding out where the money for the mosque is coming from, had decided that its origins are dangerous and anti-American, linked to a man who funds extremist madrassas worldwide. Of course, the man in question is Prince Al-Waleed bin Talal, owner of 7.0% of NewsCorp, FOX News' parent company. This argument is likely to disappear.

This instant disposal of history is hardly a new phenomenon in conservative politics. The famous handshake between Saddam Hussein and Donald Rumsfeld wasn't so much defended as strenuously ignored as an irrelevancy. "Where is the money?" is a vital argument until the moment it isn't. Imam Rauf stops being one of "the good ones" as soon as a non-conservative supports him. In political circles, the ratio of satirical content to real life and the total content of real life fast approaches one. Historicity is only important in the final judgment, which none of us will be around to see. The day-to-day inconsistencies mean nothing. This is global policy written by Damon Lindleof and Carlton Cuse, and you just have to believe that all this backtracking and sidestepping will mean something when the final black screen comes over the American Epoch with history's verdict: W O N.

In the meantime, our shared history only has value for a particular present. This is perhaps best exhibited by conservatives' gleefully tossing the Constitution into a trash bin to enable hurling a mosque into the same, despite their general claim to the title of the party of history, of reverence for the past, of the inviolability of the Constitution. Speaking of which, they've spent the last 19 months of their party's history with no more enduring or definite policy than constantly invoking the Constitution as a pristine and treasured document that Barack Obama is all too ready to violate to meet his needs.

Of course, appeals to historicity mean nothing when this weekend a glutinous wad of overfed white Americana that looks like 185 pounds of lard and bull semen poured into a 5-foot 8-inch man-shaped condom ascended the steps of the Lincoln Memorial to continue his habit of transmogrifying into a lamprey latched onto and draining the human spirit. His mission was to "restore honor" to the Republic, in part by rescuing Martin Luther King, Jr. from the predatory clutches of the black people he spoke for and marched with.

Glenn Beck's ahistorical panegyrics to King are already a matter of record — Media Matters has excellently dissected and categorically disproved their claims to fact here and here — but what isn't is really clear is what he means by honor. It can't be a literal reading of the word, since Beck makes no mention of seeking national expiation for the profligate spending of the previous administration, a war predicated on barefaced lies and elaborate deceptions, the trampling of civilian civil liberties, the abandonment of an entire region to a natural disaster and the plunder of the environment. Nor, obviously, does he mention wanting to atone for serious attempts in 2000, 2004 and 2006 (which included manipulating an emergency legal provision to fire uncooperative federal prosecutors) to disenfranchise minorities while mobilizing white people to get to the polls by feeding off divisive and malicious sentiments, like a loathing of homosexuals, non-white immigrants or "Islamic Fifth Columnists" (read: congressional Democrats).

Even a tame reading of Beck's apocalyptic ranting renders this weekend's gathering a political and social abomination because of the motives that drew people to it. His claims that Martin Luther King sought not social and economic justice but only equal justice in the eyes of the law (again, thoroughly debunked by Media Matters) offer mere elaboration over a very basic message of dog-whistle pageantry, white-man apologia and denialist self-indulgence. In short:
1. "Martin Luther King got it right, but all blacks since then — except for Alan Keyes, Thomas Sowell and the other 'good' ones — have got it wrong."
2. "You know the blacks I'm talking about. Welfare queens in Cadillacs. Al Sharpton. Jessie Jackson. The New Black Panther Party, which has declared war on you, will keep you from voting, and wants to kill white babies."
3. "To restore honor to America, I will again take up King's mantle of equal justice, because there is no equal justice anymore."
4. "However, since all these black people are in the ascendancy and can be tied to Obama, who runs the country with an iron grip, that means that the unequal justice now all falls on the white man."
5. "So I stand here today, on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial to tell you I have a dream in which white people finally get theirs."
The brilliance of the staging, of the litany of implications and winks is enough to achieve the desired effect. The Big Lie is one whose credentials don't need to be established by its presenters but rather suggested — and only later then inferred, expanded upon and reified by the selfish or hateful yearnings of an audience too eager to connect the dots between 2+2 and 5.

I dislike employing the word "fascism" or even alluding to it because of its misuse and abuse during the 1960s as well as its histrionic appearances during the Bush administration, but there does not seem to be a better word for the origins and intentions behind drumming up popular rage at Muslims over the "Ground Zero Mosque" or holding a rally for the restoration of concepts so vague that they can only resonate inside the personal bitterness of a "targeted" and exalted ethnicity. A disempowered conservative elite has taken as its core plank the imminent destruction of America due to the cowardice/indifference/internationalism of a liberalism that walks hand in hand with fifth-column elements of a murderous global cult. Domestically, that same liberalism seeks to debase the blessed relationship between a nation's people and immaculately foreordained destiny. No insinuation is too small.

Defeating both of the poisons seeping into the American body and body politic requires a defense of America that thinks of the nation only as an "ism" rather than anything based on fact. America is too important to get bogged down in the legalese of the documents that founded it. America, the volksgeist of America, trumps the pettifoggery of quoting the First Amendment, or the Fourteenth, or even having a general idea of what they intended.

As is consistent with virtually every other aspect of the Constitution during the "War on Terror," its actual contents are irrelevant to its preservation. The First Amendment might say that no state religion shall be established nor freedom of religion abridged, but "America" is somehow both bigger than that and more vulnerable than that. It's an idea that trumps the ugly reality of its founding, and it's a mighty idea that quails at the intrusion of any challenge. Thus "America" and the threats against it are whatever conservatives say they are, and what we must do is determined on a continuum of whether it must be done, rather than whether it's legally permissible. If we replaced the words Muslim and mosques — or Mexicans and Catholic churches — with Jews and synagogues, there would be no question what this kind of extra-legal self-defense in the name of an amorphous and paramount national spirit represents.

Yet by now even the danger of that kind of examination would be minimal, as the very terminology deliberately and repeatedly used to describe the World Trade Center excuses any actions to safeguard its purity. The WTC is now Hallowed Ground, a holy site in the cult of "America," sanctified by the blood of American martyrs. This kind of language doesn't require any overt declaration of "Christian" ground, because it relies on the lazy conception of Americans about themselves: (still) likely white, overwhelmingly protestant, definitely not Muslim. The existence of the sinister Other reinforces our united and sovereign "USness." Naturally, then, anything done in the name of the Other is ipso facto unAmerican, just as everything attempted to thwart them is ipso facto American to the core, even if doing so shreds the nation's founding documents. At no point should we bother asking questions about whether this manichaean worldview makes us mirror figures of that which we ostensibly wish to destroy.

At this point, even the media that should otherwise speak out against the excesses of coded racism and virulent nativism has adopted the code-words and soft-pedaling essential to the task of transmitting them. Consider John McCain's famous confrontation with a supporter in 2008, when the woman said to him, "I don’t trust Obama… He’s an Arab," and McCain replied, "No, ma’am. He’s a decent, family man." In the last week, several sources alluded to this as principled bipartisanship, walking back the ugliness of the GOP-stoked rumors that Obama is a Muslim. Lost in this exchange and in the references to it, however, is the fact that McCain's correction suggests that his being a decent family man is proof that he could not be a Muslim.

The Otherness and fear inspired by Muslims is thus so pervasive that it can be dispelled by invoking even something so anodyne as the word decent. Worse, McCain's "principled" contradiction — coupled with his cowardice to take it further and repudiate the notion that Muslims themselves are indecent, non-family and unAmerican people — is considered gesture enough. It's old straight-talkin' McCain, again. In fact, in this climate, it's almost heroic. No other GOP representative would dare to go as far as former Secretary of State and former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Colin Powell, when he responded to the same issue:
I'm also troubled by, not what Sen. McCain says, but what members of the party say, and it is permitted to be said such things as: "Well, you know that Mr. Obama is a Muslim." Well, the correct answer is: he is not a Muslim. He's a Christian. He's always been a Christian.

But the really right answer is: What if he is? Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country? The answer is: No, that's not America. Is there something wrong with some 7-year-old Muslim-American kid believing he or she can be President?

Yet I have heard senior members of my own party drop the suggestion: he's a Muslim, and he might be associated with terrorists. This is not the way we should be doing it in America.
Apart from being the sacrificial lamb sent to lie directly to the UN, in a stroke that Glenn Beck might consider the "honorabling" of America, statements like this are why Colin Powell no longer has a political career. Just being black and in the Republican party is proof enough of its tolerance. Going overboard by exemplifying toleration, off-script, crosses too many lines altogether.

Powell's sentiments are particularly anathema because they aren't profitable. Nuance and comity only invite examination and mixed feelings. Fear — nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror — works far too well to abandon. FOX News knows this, which is why they finally abandoned the polite fiction of journalism and doubled down on the GOP with a huge political donation to the Republican Governor's Association alone. There's no need to settle for being the propaganda wing of the party when it's clear you're already directing it ideologically. Why be an effective voice when you can get on the playing field itself? It's like a cheerleader stepping in at quarterback.

In fact, the Republican National Committee is so committed to fear that their internal documents admit they have no other platform for 2010 but to bang the drum of TERROR and SOCIALISM as hard as possible. People who are scared shitless don't need policy papers. They just want to make the fear go away, and they won't ask any questions about it in the process. The deficit is too scary, and if you need to give people a tiny tax rebate to make it disappear, it hardly matters that the wealthiest 1% get a monstrous deficit-creating return on revenue. It doesn't matter if the Arizona economy can even function without illegals, because there are narcotraffickers and beheaded bodies in the desert. Imam Rauf was never the face of American Islam for a conservative administration, because now the terrorists are plotting at Ground Zero. There is no object permanence. This is how history ends.

Glenn Beck's disingenuous festival of glurge this weekend illustrated this better than anything else. He sought to legitimize increasing white hatred by giving white people a martyr's march, reaching about as low as possible for the impenetrable mantle of victimhood. Victims can get away with hate, because it's okay to be mad as hell for being kicked around. It's purely coincidence that the people they're mad as hell at are brown (Obama, health vampires, the "New Black Panthers") and brown (Mexican immigrants) and brown (Arab terrorists). All those people hate America anyway. They hate hard work (welfare), our language (press one for English) and our freedom (smoking crater), so our only means of defense is to hate them back. We need to hate them. To do anything less than hate is suicide. It's Carterite. It's Munich. It's turning smoking guns into mushroom clouds.

And while Beck was wise enough to remove these kinds of observations from his saccharine appeals to God this Saturday, the fact is he didn't need them. Everyone in attendance was there because they bought into this thinking anyway. What was said was immaterial next to what moved the audience to attend in the first place. And what got them there was the sort of blackwhite inversion of meaning we expect from Orwell villains.

You had a nauseating concatenation of appeals to God and to Christian nationhood being made by a man and for an audience allergic to Christian forbearance and toleration. You witnessed the reclamation of "honor" by an audience of racists, homophobes and the religiously hateful. You saw Martin Luther King being venerated via thousands of people banding together to repudiate almost everything he represented and embrace everything he rightfully feared. It's probably only through the media-conscious intense self-policing of the organizers that you didn't have a cardboard cutout and sign reading, "Take Your Picture with James Earl Ray."

Beck's rally represents the current apotheosis of the destruction of fact and meaning, the end of history in any meaningful sense within the Republican party. One can easily honor a 47-year-old speech by denying everything it stood for when the events of Wednesday and Thursday can be mutually contradictory and still confirm the same point. Thus Imam Rauf can be a hero and villain to the same people for the same set of views. Thus liberty can be the highest ideal, but it should be enforced with "papers please" police-state examinations on the road and wireless surveillance in the air. Thus the Bill of Rights can be our most sacred compact with ourselves and inconsequential liberal "political correctness" when it comes to the DEATH MOSQUE. If you've noticed the inconsistencies, you're not frightened enough. There's no time to talk. You need to get with the program and follow us for all our sakes. Follow us on Facebook, even. Just follow us.

Of course, the trouble with employing words like fascism or Orwellian elements to government is that one unavoidably sounds like those who've abused those terms in the past. They're too redolent of high school and angry punk shows, over-caffeinated and hours-long conversations at the local breakfast dive because none of you were old enough to buy beer yet. But a contempt for history, the insistence that day-to-day proclamations trump recordable events is of a piece with that political thinking, as is adopting terror as a political philosophy, vowing to reserve economic benefits and recovery only for "real citizens," co-opting one's enemies by declaring their sympathy and ignoring their objections — and agitating populist nativism against political opponents, defenseless ethnic minorities and a faceless international conspiracy. And, obviously, it's working. A recent Pew survey shows that more educated Republicans who follow the 24-hour news cycle and have more access to daily spin are more likely to believe the baseless sub-moronic lie that Barack Obama is a Muslim. He is now fully The Other.

Better still, one can find no shortage of followers of this thinking on Facebook. Several days ago, operating under this suspicion, a deceptively flippant person I know from Twitter as "BortJortsonUSA" went to a website called, which is a search engine that only crawls through Facebook profiles that have not been privatized. As a gag, he used only one search term, the misspelling, "MOSK." What he found was both funny and heartbreaking, and he immediately had to share it with me. You can comb through the results and encounter no shortage of racism, homophobia, Islamophobia, conspiracy theory and old fashioned shit-for-brains observations. But tellingly, almost all of the observations made and arguments raised follow the development of GOP and FOX News talking points militated against the Park51 Community Center. In short, the GOP and FOX are doing exactly what they want to do, and getting exactly the results they hope for.

Feel free to attempt the experiment on your own. (Fun parlor game: when you read a poster's update, guess how many hundreds or thousands of miles outside New York he or she lives.) What you will find are people terrified and furious, electrified with the impulse to do something about the totally imaginary. They are not only bedeviled but motivated by things that don't exist, demons that could be dispelled by a single search in the toolbar atop the browser they're already using to post on Facebook. Reading their lazy willingness to be gulled and terrified by things that are not there is like watching hundreds of people scream about ghosts in the darkness but refuse to turn on a light. Watching Facebook update after update scroll by inspires pity and contempt. But, in the spirit of this website, it's mostly contempt.

Since you didn't come here for essays, and you probably don't want to bother with yourself, let's move on to what you came here for anyway: showcasing horrible people.


Book burning: don't kristallnacht it 'til you try it.

If you're reading this in English, thank a soldier who's not my father.

I... I just can't believe the President of Muslimia in the Viceregency of Islam would officially demand this.


I believe these children have no future
Teach knows shit
My God, it's an idiot buffet.

I'm guessing you're going to say "in your wife's face," because evidently everything else has already been stuck in there.

Response to first question: no. Response to second question: no. Your response to both questions: to mention children playing football at night because I guess that exposes them to homosexuals driven out of doors after sundown by the very same vampirism that helps them to indoctrinate new children? Or something? What the fuck is your point? And, uh, thank you for your service, despite the fact that evidently you're defending the Pee-Wee Football Nightmare Kingdom of Imaginaria, where Americans "cater to the muslim religion" despite occupying military bases in their holy land for a decade, spending another decade bombing the everloving shit out of two Muslim countries and using Muslim laws of halal/haram uncleanliness to psychologically torture people of that faith in dank chambers around the globe. ALSO THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.

What are debates about civil rights doing in my government class? I took history class in Texas, so I know what government is about: the Constitution, which was written by Thomas Aquinas, Moses and Dr. Winchester Smith-Wesson.

I bet Obama doesn't even appreciate how good he has it, with his job that always goes to a minority. Just like Chief Justice, Senate Majority Leader, Speaker of the House or Vice-President. Not an ounce of appreciation or thankfulness, just ugliness. Well, that's a negro for you.

I'll have the word salad, please.

I'm just gonna assume that this is meant to make fun of Obama by trying to sound like Jar Jar Binks.

Yet another person deeply concerned about the sanctity of a neighborhood he's never been to. It's New York. There's probably a massage parlor where you can get a handjob lubricated with bacon lard.

Look, when the Nazis confronted their enemies, they put them in boxes and gassed and cremated them. When America faced its enemies in the past, it put people in camps. Now we're building a church? Look, I'm just saying that if we want to stick up for our founding principles, we need to get back to rounding people people up in barbed-wire encampments. Then we need to take it to the next level: gassings, torture and crematoria. Let's shoah what we're made of.

"We will not go quietly into this good nite."
Odds that this man is quoting Dylan Thomas: 1/1,000,000
Odds that this man is quoting President Thomas J. Whitmore (Bill Pullman) when he declared America's independence from aliens in 1996: 1.

SCENE: We open on a suburban hairstylist's boutique in a strip mall. TAMI and BETHANY both wear legwarmers and a torn pink ESPRIT shirt over their black leotards. They step rhythmically in place, moving to the music while touching up the roots on two clients sitting in the chairs. They both blow giant bubbles in their gum. Their bangs achieve a combined height of seven inches.
TAMI: I'll tell ya what I heard. It's like, AIDS? You can only create the disease by being a gay dude and, like, doing it with another gay dude. So, ya know, basically gay people make AIDS and the only way straights can get it is if a gay dude goes straight temporarily to give it to girl.
BETHANY: I dunno. Like, live and let live, ya know?
TAMI: I'll tell ya something else. They say the Jews just made up the Holocaust.
BETHANY: They're still people too, though.
TAMI: It's a good thing we're so open-minded.

I just feel your name is Stupid Buttlord. Well, that and I have some evidence to support my theory that you are frequently called this.

My name is Steven Roberts, but you may know me by my online handle, Irony.png.

"We're a country built on faith!"
*opposes construction of a place of worship*

Well, on the plus side, thanks to the new Arizona immigration laws, we can finally rid this country of people like Tammy Soetero Simpson (right) who would usurp native Americans good folks' access to good jobs and also dairy.

What a magnificent hypothetical. Just amazing. The joke, the analogy, the criticism, they all work.

A. I finally get to know what a (non-Slim Pickens) person who'd sincerely use the word "Rooskies" looks like.
B. Ground Zero is an absolutely sacrosanct place except for the numerous and inconvenient examples in which it's not.
C. Why would the the Dallas Cowboys' charter plane fly into a building? Is Michael Irvin at the controls?

Good to see that talking point working despite the previous president having spent well over twice as much time on vacation by this point in his presidency. The hypocrisy thing still works, though. Suddenly Obama's all in favor of mosques. But remember when he campaigned for months on the trail against mosques? Great job, fucklord.

You know what takes more serious balls than calling out people while being surrounded by a professionally trained squad of elite agents meant to protect you and hundreds of thousands of soldiers from a military with an over $600 billion annual budget and shitloads of planes, ships and missiles? Whining on the internet.

"Lol, 'religion of peace'? Please. Muslims disgust me. You know what we ought to do is teach them a lesson about peace. Like, what if we forced Muslim men to sit on a Judas Chair when the seat is covered with wire? And we could force their men to have sex with other men to get a key to escape a chamber filled with spikes. And, you know what? Hang on. Let me just login to my profile on I've actually got a running series called 'Lessons in Mercy.' I got the idea after they released all the photos from Abu Ghraib."

I've got an idea for pulling mad pussy. Check it: we change our name to Terror Mosque. Then we name all our 7" mosque shit. Like, "Mosque of the Red Death," or "Man in the Iron Mosque." I'm pretty much going to be the guy who changes the world and makes everyone think of bassists as wicked-intelligent sex samurais.

Dishonoring the Americans who had their lives killed with death? You can keep the change, guy.

We must send a message to those who would preach hate by standing united in our intolerance. Otherwise, God will turn his back on America if we follow the path of this other Abrahamic religion.

I'm picturing 12 people dressed up in brown wool robes bearing a 20-foot wooden cross into state police headquarters, while one of them makes a bunch of "you! it's from us! for you!" pantomime gestures. Sure, body armor would be way more helpful, but we got you this bigass cross and everything. Look at it. Just fucking look at it. Admire the shit out of that cross. We like to think of it as Gody Armor.

One, that is not a part of doctrine. Two, pretty much every religion and culture in the world builds monuments to itself at points of victory or otherwise incorporates the terms or elements of victory into its language or culture. (See also: Yorktown, Appommatox, D-Day, Midway, VE-Day and uncounted Spanish missions and churches in North, Central and South America.) Three, go ahead and religion. You're free to.

Hahaha, yeah, and every time you build a synagogue, it's like saying, "Yo, hookface, I'm sorry you didn't kill more of my Gods." Seriously, though, your restaurants fucking suck.

This guy whose Facebook profile picture is him making out with a horse is getting sick to his stomach.

Someone tell him about the other mosque that's been there for the last 40 years so I can watch his hat go limp and fall over to a sad slide-whistle noise.

Dear Secret Service, Brian Brogren of Peyton, Colorado, committed Christian and member of the Peace and Freedom Party, would not shed a tear or give a second thought "if [Obama] was assassinated." Also, fun fact: it takes over seven hours to fly from his current residence in Germany to Ground Zero, and 1 day and six hours to drive there from his old digs in Colorado. He's very concerned about the neighborhood.

You know the kind of people who often say the same things as written in the Bible or taught in Christian churches? Serial killers. People who use the same words are identical. I am also a Jedi in real life.

I'm just going to quote this whole thing so that the internet never loses it:
Obama has agreed with the muslim race these passed couple of weeks and the muslims are goin to be building a mosk (a muslim church) next to GROUND ZERO where they knocked down our twin tours. And on the sign of the church its goin to say in the muslim language "WE CONQUERED". That just tells u there that Obama is a MUSLIM. . I think we should nuke them all over there and turn there air green. Comment if u agree.
I know, I know. It's so mouth-breathingly stupid that it's almost too perfect to be real (the muslim race?), but it's real. Check this out:
AC/DC, Queen, Ozzy Osbourne, Journey, REO Speedwagon, Black Sabbath, Skid Row, Motley Crue, Slaughter, Cinderella, Warrant, Mr. Big, Cheap Trick, Twisted Sisterand 29 more

Reading Is Gay
Aaaaaaahahahaha I have never wanted someone to Google namesearch more than Caleb James Newcomb, somebody whose God put him on this earth to answer the question, "Are people with racist and hateful ideas generally vacuous, incurious and intellectually empty people?" with an emphatic yes.

I was going to write a joke like, "Naturally. Because Muslim people worship the middle finger," but thinking that only reinforced my belief that almost everyone featured in this article is someone to whom you could claim practically anything about Islam and have them believe it. As it is, there are probably as many white Christian Americans with a full appreciation of Islam as there are of people who either know Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman trivia or write erotic Mary Kay Place fan-fiction, but a lot of these people go the extra mile. I'm pretty sure you could tell them that Muslims get double-circumcised, are all afraid of cats and don't have fingerprints without raising a single eyebrow.

Why won't these people just do what they are literally already doing?
*mashes LIKE button on Tucker Max's I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell*

No longer satisfied by rape, an escalating Ben Roethlisberger journeys down the path of hate crimes.

This guy (The Biker) is worried someone else is gonna win the $50 first prize at karaoke night by doing a Village People group routine.

"NO you can't do that" — an effective alternate name for the Bill of Rights.

*rolls dice*
Okay, so it looks like America has a 15 Honor. I've been feeling way better about our country ever since we adopted the Klingon standard. Although it's going to suck when we all have to die if our Honor supplies run out. If only there were some way we could replenish them with the National Dignity Index or the Indefatigability Deflator.

Ahahahaha the NWO. All the family pictures of this guy's three daughters are painted by David Dees and he lives in mortal fear that Scott Hall and Big Sexy Kevin Nash are gonna kick the shit out of him and spraypaint his back, brother.

*dangles pearls in front of photo*

"Can the muslims really do this? Get Jack McCoy on the horn. America's really bought a pig in a poke with this one, Obama. Let's hope it doesn't blow up on the stand. Remember the doink-doink. Executive producer DICK WOLF put that into the show as a memorial: one sound for each tower that fell."

Other Facebook Highlights:
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if we keep on the progressive ,socialists,liberal ,democratic side of spending spree,we will not have enough money for the paper the money is printed on ,or the ink in about 3 days the USA will be fully bankrupt.and insolvent!thanx barrack husein putz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...
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BEWARE THE CHURCH UNIVERSAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I seriously cannot believe this person only has 30 friends.

Here's a fun parlor game you can try the next time you meet someone like Freya Pruitt: ask him or her why political correctness is bad. That's it. Just a simple explanation about how society is worsened by making people feel uncomfortable to engage in negative stereotypes about minorities, women, non-Christians, gays, etc. While you're at it, see if they can come up with a simple, basic explanation for the greater moral utility of being able to drop "raghead" or "wetback" or "bitches can't be trusted because once a month they go crazy through their vaginas" into the conversation. I mean, political correctness is so unambiguously bad for America and its opposite so genuinely beneficial that it shouldn't take more than a handful of sentences to confirm this. (This never happens.)

You have to be impressed by how every single one of these people either rejected the idea outright or never once considered that part of the reason why Imam Rauf wanted to put a mosque near ground zero was to show the Muslim community's sensitivity, to establish their solidarity with the all the victims — not just the numerous Muslim firefighters and workers killed at the WTC — and demonstrate that real Muslims build communities, not destroy them. But whatever: that's imaginary shit. Better to hold much more reasonable imaginary views, like "THEIR BUILDING A MOSLIM VICTORY DEATH MONUEMENT WITH AL-KIDA'S MONEY."

Guy whose profile picture is him sitting while two buff dudes stand over him has trouble seeing straight. *smdh*

Some excellent points here about the country of Muslim, the First Church of Hitler and the Evangelical Anime Synod. Speaking of which, please turn to Psalm 1: "Kanedaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!"

What I'm looking for is a company that can sell me special effects equipment to simulate the zombie apocalypse for my short film, "Robot Abe Lincoln Masturbates," while at the same giving me mispelled political editorial.

Other Highlights:
Im not a islamaphobe im a islam hater! I will not be tolerant of a religion that wants me to die for my birth place and religion, so I say F!@*K islam. Islam wants to kill me bring it on!

All us real Americans need to stand up against all this socialism,raceism,and reverse raceism! To hell with socialism, the panthers and the clan come on America its time to take a stand!!!

Well the VA screwd it up I never was scedualed a pre opp phiysical so now I to wait till november 9 right over deer hunting !

is going to take time off from the Fire Dept
For those of you scoring at home: goes to the VA, works at the fire department, hates socialism. He doesn't say so, but I bet he eats at Bob Evans, too.

At first you want to assume that someone who can't spell "saying" or "mosque" just gave up on the attempt to spell "Ahmadinejad," but that's just your brain protecting you from the fact that he's probably a Jeff Dunham fan.

This guy's got so little respect for the men and women of our armed forces that he thinks nine years of practice isn't enough for them to be competent at destroying the shit out of things Muslims are inside of.

Well, let's just check the ol' profile to see what this guy does to occupy his ti—ACTIVITIES: NASCAR. TELEVISION: Inside NASCAR. LANGUAGES: NASCAR.

Somebody who's good at code: please make a mock news-aggregator site and send this guy a link to it and specifically to an article about how Obama has appointed a new Capitalization Czar to make sure "no one disrespects him via name or shift key," then see how long it takes him to repost it all over his Facebook.

Excellent, yes, of course. There was no history of mosques in the United States prior to September 11, 2001. I now return you to winning an imaginary Homecoming pompadour contest in a kitchen next to anthropomorphized mashed potatoes.

American Muslims: build in your own country!

We have to show these people America is still here!!!
*posts this status update by phone while a kid with a joystick at Edwards A.F.B makes a Predator drone vaporize another Afghan wedding*

Credit Joseph Gatta for being able to totally rep the guido "duckface" look from 229 miles away from Ground Zero. Although points off for not being able to resist his native Massachusetts pinko urge to desecrate the flag.

Look, I'm just saying that the terrorists obviously blew up those buildings so that they could build a meeting place blocks away, just like the way I sometimes tie one on and intentionally miss shooting a deer because I want it to have a heart attack so I can ingest more of its pure essence. Connect the dots. By the way, I am wearing a shirt that says JIM BEAM.

*stands outside Congregationalist church impotently shaking fist about the Battle of the Boyne*

If the afterlife is like No Exit, do you ever wonder if smart victims of 9/11 just sit there on a couch, staring at the two other people in the room, silently screaming inside their heads and begging that someone like Kathy Breckwoldt just stops remembering?

Stopped reading at the first line.

Remember the 5,000 dead.

Get the lights on your way out, Fukuyama. It's the end of history.


  1. Whoa
    If you go through this post really fast (no breaks!), you get this crazy head rush when you finally stop.

    Thank you for your service! Seriously, we all know the sacrifice you've made, sir.

  2. While I AM visually impaired, I am not stupid or blind, and I want to say damn, Lisa Zavarella sure does have a strong jawline and handsome sideburns.

    Also, thanks for this article that nearly caused me to have a nervous breakdown. It was like being sent a link to a youtube clip of a horrific car accident - once you start there is no goddamn stopping (fuckin related videos).

    P.S. I wish I was called 'Ike Wheeler'

  3. ....sigh. Oh you silly Liberals. Trying so hard to demonize Beck and his ilk, maybe even having something of a base to stand on...and then you open with...

    "Of course, appeals to historicity mean nothing when this weekend a glutinous wad of overfed white Americana..."

    And boom, the whole argument gets blown to shit, because before you launch into a vehement screed about racism, you promptly demonstrate it yourself. Sorry my friend, but racism is racism is racism. There is no such thing as acceptable targets, and all you do in the end is show that, pardon the phrase, the pot is calling the kettle black. Cut out all your own axe-grinding, and you might have credibility. Otherwise, well...what more can be said.

  4. Lol, "Man Defending Racists Does Not Know What Racism Is, Appeals to 'Reverse Racism'."

    What a breathtaking surprise.

  5. Argh, reverse racism! *shakes fist* *has diabetes* *accidentally expectorates on goatee*

  6. Argh, reverse racism! *shakes fist* *has diabetes* *accidentally expectorates on goatee*

    "Wow, that's pretty white of you."

    *a thunderbolt rends the sky*

    "Aw, fuck. I just invalidated criticizing Jim Crow. I guess that's a real black mark against my name."

    *record skips and a man slams a bottle of NY-made picante sauce on a bar*

  7. Mysterious Sydney readerAugust 30, 2010 at 4:09 AM

    Re: Greg Pflasterer - I'm trying to think of an "Akira will blow up Neo-Tokyo" joke, but I can't think of anything that wouldn't be as awful as the musings of these screwheads.

    Psalm 2: TETSUOOOOOOO!!!!!!

  8. Never forget Ground Zoro!

    Absolutely brilliant article btw. I had the experience of seeing 1/4 mile of teabaggers lining up to take the Metro back on Saturday. Fortunately I had a badge and a conference to attend, so I was able to skip through.

    Not a lot of black people riding the train that day..

  9. Yeah! How dare you call the fascists names! That's mean! And racist! And commie-socialist-nazi of you!

    And there's more gold in your tap water than black folks in the tea parties. They ain't civil rights activists.

    Right. These pig-fuckers are fascists. If they don't like being called fascists they shouldn't be working their way through the definition point by point.

    And exactly how can people in a democracy interact with these people? They don't acknowledge the existence of independent facts. They don't acknowledge the legitimacy of any elected government other than their own. Their beliefs are increasingly centered on eliminationist rhetoric and ideology. Their ideology is intellectually inconsistent- the details change to fit the present circumstances no matter how much it conflicts with prior behavior or belief. They refuse to engage in good-faith governance or debate.

    A democracy relies on good-faith debate and governance. It relies on both parties having opinions that are (mostly) held separate from facts. History and ideology are supposed to be broadly self-consistent. None of that exists today. We may be at the point where this has to run its course, crashing and burning before it can be reversed.

    Fascism is a lot like pizza. There's a basic set of characteristics that we recognize as pizza. Different regions evolve unique toppings or crusts but we can still recognize it as pizza.

    Fascism is the same way, each culture evolves it's own symbolism, rally cries, invented persecutions, etc. But under it all, we can still recognize the societal virus of fascism. (Although even the most ardent, violent fascist considers pineapple on pizza to be an atrocity too far.)

    I think we're gonna crash and burn, so if you're one of the privileged few in this society to be sitting on an ejection seat, now's the time to pull the checkered handle.

  10. Great article although I want to smash my head through the monitor after reading those facebook statuses.

    The narrative I'm starting to see now is that "Islam isn't a religion", presumably to excuse them from 1st amendment protection.

  11. Hi, Augusto. You seem like someone I can hang with.

    Yeah, I've noticed that too. "Cult" has gotten a lot of work in the last week or so, which is disheartening but still sort of funny. Like stumbling into a legal argument that "this is not a vehicle because it's a truck."

  12. I hope the cult train doesn't pick up too much steam. It shouldn't be easy for people to dismiss the world's second largest religion.

    The real kicker for me is that if any of these people ever did any real research into Islam, they'd find this line which I feel invalidates all their arguments:

    "Those who believe (in the Quran), and those who follow the Jewish (scriptures), and the Christians...and (all) who believe in God and the last day and work righteousness, shall have their reward with their Lord; on them shall be no fear, nor shall they grieve." The Qur'an, 2:62

    It may not specifically mention America in there, considering it didn't exist yet, but I'm pretty sure these people just think of 'Real America' as a giant church anyway.

  13. To be serious for a moment though, white people are the worst people in history.

  14. This is one of the best posts I've ever read on this site: absolutely superb! Being Irish (in the literal rather than -American sense), it's both shocking and hugely entertaining to see American media-politics in full swing, and its machinations exposed. It's more than a little scary though.
    This is the best we've got, as a nation.

  15. I want the Muslim population of America to increase. It won't stop the hatred (hell, I'll probably increase it), but I just like the idea of them suddenly shutting up whenever Achmed comes into the breakroom. Or having to write on Fatima's wall that you didn't mean her and of course you'll return to pie tin.

  16. One of the saddest things about this whole situation is how a vile form of hate-filled ignorance has been successfully made into a laudable quality. People like Glenn Beck purport to be interested in preserving the liberties of Americans, but it's so blatant that they're interested in the contrary. Seeing all these examples brought together knocks this message out of the park.

    Also that guy in the shirt about how people in "Mauitania" and other nations own slaves is repugnant. An endorsement of slavery, seriously? Even trying erase the past misdeeds of America? Just incredible. He also forgot to put the in Mauritania.

    Getting those updates must have been a chore. I know I can only people parade how stupid and angry they are for so long. "We must fight! We must show America is still here! We must not let them build a mosk near ground zero!"

    These people are depressingly bereft of intelligence if they believe this stuff and are just really bigoted fascists.

    Fantastic job on this article. Hopefully more people see it, because I think it illustrates this "patriotic" faction in the truest light possible!

  17. It's racist of you to point out that the guy with the PROTECT WHITE CRACKER BABIES SHIRT is white. You can't even see his face or anything, what if he's got the Jew nose? Do you have an x-ray of his legs to show if he has that extra bone that black people have that makes them so good at sports?

    Think about that before you talk about racism.

  18. "Cult" has gotten a lot of work in the last week or so, which is disheartening but still sort of funny.

    Especially when this whole MLK 2.0 event involved fundamentalist Christians hanging on every pronouncement of a convert to Mormonism.

  19. Mobuto, you are awesome (other than that whole dictator thing). Really hilarious and right on.

    Except why the regular digs at fat people? Especially when these particular fat people have so many worthy mockable aspects?

  20. Thank you for this well-written, wonderfully thought-out article. Am really impressed by how
    you managed to perfectly analyze the discrepancies,latent phobias and hatred for anything believed "unamerican" that permeate the speeches of those conservative media pundits. Their big boner for the Constitution seems to depend entirely on whether or not it serves them and their reactionary political stance. I really do hope, even though I am not American but French-Canadian, that these populist demagogues remain as tv hosts and do not one day get so powerful that they get to chose and make future US policies ...

  21. Why am I so fat?

    Why do my feet hurt?

    Where can I get a nylon meshed ballcap with just the word "SCOTCH" labelled on it?

  22. @rosemar:

    Fair question, but I'll leave it to you to pick which explanation seems most reasonable:

    1. Most people of a conservative bent in the US trade in libertarian "rational actor" theory of markets — i.e., we don't need gummymint regulation of anything because that just perverts the natural and optimal course of events, which is that people always do what is rationally in their best interests. We've gone into it on this site before, but basically conservative rational-actor theory doesn't explain obesity. Sweating, discomfort, being tired, being less attractive and dying early are all pretty plainly counter to your interests. The fact that there are so many fat conservatives at Beck rallies or parroting him online belies the legitimacy of his argument that people left to their devices are going to adopt a wiser and better course, because obviously so many of us don't.

    2. There's something funny about a movement of people that spends a lot of time in lawn chairs. That America is sick at its core and that these are the healthy people who are going to take ACTION and TAKE IT BACK is funny beyond appearances. Again, it's a lot of rhetoric that's disproved by the people employing it.

    3. If you're that ugly on the inside and are going to give voice to words and ideas this ugly, you're kind of fair game.

    4. There are only so many times you can make jokes about a political position, hence running off to names like "Bob Evans," shirts with JIM BEAM on them, or personal appearance.

    5. I'm basically a child.

  23. Those who espouse libertarian economics just excuse any apparent failures of our current markets to perform the "invisible hand" thing by saying that our current markets have too much government interference, and thus don't work well as they would in libertarian paradise.

    It's basically an argument based upon faith. Haiti is probably the closest existing society to the libertarian economic ideal.

  24. Nice post, if somewhat Wagnerian in scale. Minor point of information on the issue of late night football practice: it comes from a high school in Dearborn, MI, where there are of course Muslims on the football team; during Ramadan they schedule practices at night, presumably so the kids don't faint, and it was reported by ESPN as a cute human interest story, but it drove some of these moskophobes insane, like
    August 16, 2010 at 11:06 am

    Hey, this is sort of fun. Don't mean to be anonymous (call me David) but that's the only option in your menu that works for me.

  25. "Of course, the trouble with employing words like fascism or Orwellian elements to government is that one unavoidably sounds like those who've abused those terms in the past."

    You're using these words in the context of people who say that Obama is a Marxist Islamofascist. No worries.

  26. I would've enjoyed this more if (while defending pc-ness and criticizing intolerance) the author didn't take so many gratuitous potshots at women he deems to be overweight. Ass.

  27. @Fillipo DiMaggio, the Philipines are primarily Catholic...

  28. I know that this was one of the less-insulting entries, but nonetheless:

    That's a website providing information about an evangelical church built in the middle of Hiroshima.

  29. Perhaps Robert Rose needs to GO to New York. There already IS a strip club a block or so away from Ground Zero. Really knows New York geography, huh?

  30. I just want to say first off, you being a former dictator and commenting about freedom is an oxymoron. Secondly, don't let some idiots that post on Facebook be the opinion of any one else, that is ignorant nor fair. Thirdly, did you watch the "Restoring Honor Rally"? It anything, it was anti-racist. I don't always agree with Glenn Beck, but he is far more honorable then you sir.

    The thing the majority of Americans in this country are sick of is the over spending (of money we don't have) and the infringement on our rights that this and last administration have done. Yes, I'm calling out George Bush as well. And Glenn Beck himself has done this as well, it's just not as "publicized" as much because of the lack of true journalism in this country.

    I also find it amusing that you talk about racism, and then list all white people that talked about this "mosk". I'm sorry, you did include one "Latino" as well.

    You sir do not deserve the right to treat these Americans that have the right to express their opinion. Even further, adding military personal to your "blog" is shameless. Go back to doing what you do best, oppressing peoples rights.

  31. I mean, I could pick apart this piece line by line, but there is no need to. You literally and sincerely wrote, "The lack of true journalism in this country." You literally think you are being ill-served by journalism, and the rest of your argument is barfed-up radio quotes from people with no journalistic degrees and no responsibility to history as a practice, to newspapers as a document or to a readership that could check the statements made against, you know, history. Do you have the faintest degree of self-awareness in your own life? I mean, Good Lord.

  32. How DARE you sir! Criticize the opinions of members of the military. You can never ever disagree with anyone who wears a uniform, ever. Because THEY fight for your freedom.

    Putting on a uniform immediately turns you into a hero who can never be wrong, can never do wrong, and who's immediately a more worthy human being than anyone not in uniform. That's how things work in a free democracy, unlike the junta of "Zaire," or "Congo," or "Democratic Republic of Congo," or "Fabreeze Presents the Free and Fair United Democratic States of Congo: Now With Extra Ethnic Cleansing Action!" or whatever the fuck you're calling it this week.

    The First Amendment doesn't apply to anyone that I and Glenn Beck don't like, that's how it works in a Democracy.

    Gott mit uns!

  33. You sir have an amazing grasp of social media networking and manipulation for a dead African dictator.

  34. Went back and removed all (I think) of the weight jokes. (I was sort of skimming.) They really weren't necessary, and retrospectively I'm not proud of them.

  35. Wow, I'm impressed. Not many people would have taken the time to do that after a year or so. Thank you.


Et tu, Mr. Destructo? is a politics, sports and media blog whose purpose is to tell jokes or be really right about things. All of us have real jobs and don't need the hassle that telling jokes here might occasion, which is why some contributors find it more tasteful to pretend to be dead mass murderers.