Saturday, February 21, 2009

Thank you, Internet: Outrage Edition

This comes from a discussion about favorite products that no longer exist. Pretend this was written by Ignatius J. Reilly (all emphasis mine):
Now, before everyone berates me over the fact that this product is still sold, allow me to inform you of some interesting "facts". I have been eating this brand of Lentil Soup for, well I guess about 20 years, and have always enjoyed it. A few week ago my wife bought a few cans of it, and my eyes were immediately violated by the new packaging they had slapped on the can. Worse yet, when the bowl of soup was placed before me, I saw, to my horror, that the soup was a totally different color. It was a reddish-brown! The Progresso Lentil Soup I know (and love) was always a muted gray. And then I tasted it. Words cannot describe my the shock my taste buds endured when an alien flavor assaulted my mouth.

I don't know what they have done to my beloved soup, but things have changed, they will never be the same again. Why did they tamper with perfection?!?

2 comments:

  1. To the soup-eater's credit, muted gray IS a wonderful flavor.

    ReplyDelete
  2. There was a bread wrapper on a baguette I bought in Tokyo that read, in very happy script, "I'm fascinated by the light brown! Always delicious! New taste!" Obviously there's an interesting contradiction there between this product's always being delicious and yet having a new taste — to say nothing of the fact that you'd think every single delicious iteration of "bread" would have been experienced and plotted over 8,000 years or so — but I always wondered, "Who is going to be fascinated, let alone suddenly hungry by the words, 'The light brown'?"

    ReplyDelete

Et tu, Mr. Destructo? is a politics, sports and media blog whose purpose is to tell jokes or be really right about things. All of us have real jobs and don't need the hassle that telling jokes here might occasion, which is why it's more tasteful to pretend to be mass murderers.