NFL Week Two in Pictures

Well I can stand beside
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And I can stand beside
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I do believe
There's a pic for everyone
THIS IS OUR CUNTTREE



Tony Kornheiser can confirm: this is, indeed, a very Brett Favre-like play.




Unfortunately, so is choking.




The common-result of a very Brett Favre-like GUNSLING.




Why does Brett Favre make Brett Favre-like plays? Greg Jennings explains why:




Kevin Faulk asks Brett a perfectly reasonable question.





John Kitna ponders whether, since God just gave him the strength to throw that INT, and since God obviously loves Matt Millen, and since God has already given Detroit the weather and GM's outstanding business plan, what will the other three plagues be?




At what point does someone say, "Yes, me. I. I will become the official Elvis impersonator amongst Kansas City Chiefs fans"?




I mean, at least this guy looks reasonably terrifying and cool even without the ballgame. He's death, or something like death. Someone asks him, "What are you?" and he says, "I'm DEATH, dude." At no point does he have to say, "Wait, wait, wait. First of all, I'm a big fan of the Chiefs. And you've heard of Elvis, right? Okay, well, y'see..."




Hey, wow, you've really got that guy wrapped up. Good job, guys.


So, uh, do you think that means that this is the point you start turning the season around, guys?


Oh.


Presenting the airborne players of Week Two:






Moments later, Mark Bulger revealed the Giants' mothers sucked dicks in hell before projectile vomiting all over the pass rush.




Jake Delhomme: WHINESLINGER





Okay, I want you to take a close look at quarterback J.T. O'Sullivan in all three of these pictures and think really hard about what he reminds you of.






Okay, now I want you watch this:




41 Years of Saints Football!




PLAY OF THE WEEK



It made a lot of people mad — unsettlingly so. Legendarily competent and buff referee Ed "GUNZ" Hochuli is personally responding to hate e-mails with an apology for blowing the call. And, apparently, somewhere in the world, a kid will Bell's Palsy weighed in on the controversy so obnoxiously that people started making fun of him, prompting him to TELL OFF ALL THE HATERS:



(By the way, I don't condone making fun of him for his involuntary and unfortunate disability. I condone making fun of him because he's a tactless idiot. Also, that video gets hysterical at the 2:00 mark.)

Then THE HATERS responded cleverly:



And simply:




But what was responsible for THE GUNZ blowing the call, for Cutler's redemption? For all the evil and all the salacious knee-coveting chop blocks in the world?




MIKE SHANAHAN.












That's it for this week. Except for one more thing:

HUGE TAKE, RIGHT HERE. JAY CUTLER'S HAND WAS MOVING FORWARD. LOOK, IT WAS MOVING FORWARD. DON'T BE A FANBOY, DON'T BE AN INTERNET NERRRRD. LOOK AT THE VIDEO. JUST LOOK, AND IT'S OBVIOUS HIS HAND WAS MOVING FORWARD. IN-COM-PLETE PASS. IT WAS. INCOMPLETE. I'M NOT TAKING YOUR LAME EMAILS ABOUT IT ANYMORE. ANYONE WHO'S STILL SAYING IT WAS ALLEGEDLY A FUMBLE IS HIL-AR-IOUS. THERE'S ONLY ONE THING I'M MORE SURE ABOUT, AND THAT'S HOW MUCH YOU'LL LOVE YOUR SLINGBOX™. THE SLINGBOX WILL LITERALLY TRANSFORM HOW YOU WATCH TV. IT TURNS ANY INTERNET-CONNECTED PC OR LAPTOP OR SMARTPHONE INTO YOUR HOME TELEVISION. CATCH ALL YOUR FAVORITE BALLGAMES ON THE ROAD. I SMELL FRESH KNEES. RACK ME, I'M OUT.